Good days, The Hunger Games, Melanie

I could take some time to tell you about what I’ve been doing for the past month, but I don’t have time. Plus, nothing really interesting happened.

I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that only updates once a month and always promises that they will post more, but I really do want to start posting again. I miss being totally open and honest like I am on here.

Anyway, I’ve had a good couple of days. I’ve hardly watched any television, Steve came home and we played basketball, I have been applying to more jobs, and I’m reading The Hunger Games trilogy.

Victoria suggested that I read them, and they are sooo good! I don’t usually like stuff that gets this much hype (ex: Twilight). But I absolutely love these and I’m going to see the movie at midnight on Thursday with Victoria and Melanie (-:

Speaking of Melanie, she really is my best friend. Stella and Victoria are next in line but Melanie is it. She’s probably the most popular girl at our school, is it weird that I love that about her? It’s weirdly comforting to know that she could hang out with just about anyone she wants and she still chooses to spend so much of her time with me. We aren’t like attached at the hip or anything, but she goes out of her way to make time for me. There’s also little things, like today at school the shoes I was wearing matched her outfit and the ones she had on matched mine, so we traded. And she tweets me random cute quotes, for all of her followers to see.

I just wish I could open up to her more. I want to tell her about my eating disorder, and my almost constant suicidal thoughts. But that might just worry her, and she has enough to deal with already (yearbook editor, softball team, working at McDonald’s, and all the homework she gets in her many AP classes). She knows I take antidepressants, and I told her about my cutting..kind of. That was a weird conversation, I think she already knew just because she knows me so fucking well, but it was the first time I mentioned it out loud and we both just kind of sat there for a minute.. I don’t know. That’s not that point. I just wish I could be honest with her. I’m the person she calls if she’s super stressed or her ex-boyfriend is texting her or she just needs someone to talk to. I want her to be the person that I call when I’m freaking the fuck out. Right now, for me, that’s Kurt. But he has a girlfriend and talking to him is painful in itself.

I’d write more but Mockingjay is calling my name.

xoxo,

Melanie