My future self

I just..I have this vision of my future self in my head. I don’t want to be this ugly girl who hates everyone and does nothing but watch TV and obsess about her weight (lost three pounds last week, by the way).

The vision I have is this girl who is pretty, in an unconventional way, and skinny, and sarcastic and loud, and has snake bites and a couple of tattoos. This girl who has recovered from depression and self harm and an eating disorder. This girl loves people. She doesn’t get along with all of them, but she’s always kind. She does charity work, is a vegetarian, and is friendly. In her free time she likes to read and play retro video games. She has a job at a book store, or a coffee house, or something to that effect.

That girl sounds so beautiful to me, and it’s what I’ve been striving to be for years (since freshman year, actually). I’m crying now; thinking about how much of a failure I am.