Things are back to normal with Allen. When he walked into Calculus and sat in front of me we didn’t say anything. Neither of us spoke the entire period actually. But after Calc we both have study hall. So when we got there I decided to just talk to him like normal, and if he gave me the cold shoulder I would just deal with it.
“So, do you have any homework?” I asked him.
“Nope, do you need help with your Calc?” He smiled.
I did need his help with my homework. Allen is ridiculously smart (He was voted “Next Einstein” for our senior picks). I don’t think I’d be passing Calculus if I didn’t have him to explain things to me. Anyway, from there things just went on like normal. I was so freaking happy. Neither of us talked about what happened this weekend. And I tried my best to not interrupt him or pay attention to something else when he was talking to me (I have a tendency to do that). He even took Nicole’s spot next to me at lunch because she didn’t come to school. I feel like I’ve been talking about nothing but him for the past two days so I’m going to stop now.
I have this thing, I can’t do homework. When I think about sitting down to write a paper or do a worksheet I get this feeling like..like I would rather do anything else on earth but do the work. I don’t know if that’s how everyone feels about homework, but I wish it would stop. I would love to be able to just sit down and do my work. I always procrastinate and end up half-assing my assignments the night before they’re due. I have a rough draft due for English tomorrow, plus I have another paper to revise in the next couple of days. I am shaking just thinking about it. This can’t be normal. Is there such thing as fear of homework? Because if there was, I’d have it. The only time I get any work done is if I focus on how good I’ll feel once it’s finished. I will probably work on that after I finish writing this.
I need to get more exercise. That took me forever to spell. I only had one letter wrong but my spell check couldn’t tell me what the actual spelling was. I googled it. I also just added googled to my dictionary. But about exercise, I need to do it more often. I am way too fat. I know a teenage girl saying “I’m fat” is a total cliche, but it’s true in my case. I can’t look in the mirror without cringing. If I look long enough I start to cry. I have carved “fat” into my thighs seven times. Maybe I’ll wake up early and exercise. I don’t have to be up until 9am anyway. Waking up at 8 wouldn’t be all that early.
Remember when I said that Nicole was shallow? She gave me a perfect example today. We were just sitting in her bedroom and I was watching youtube videos. I was watching one with a girl who wasn’t wearing any make up and had red frizzy hair. I didn’t see anything wrong with her. I actually liked her hair a lot.
Nicole said, “Ew. She needs to learn to wear make up. And tweeze those eyebrows. And what is she wearing? Who wears that? I wouldn’t even leave the house.”
The girl was wearing one of those cheesy Christmas sweaters that a grandmother would make. It was a Christmas video. I don’t wear make up. I wear cheesy Christmas sweaters. I wonder if Nicole thinks that I’m gross too.
Oh, before I go, I wanted to give another example of how socially inadequate I am. Today in Current Events this girl, who I don’t like, came over and sat next to me. I have no idea why she did this, I have never even pretended to like her.
See, I was working with my friend Stella on this one worksheet. Stella and this girl are both cheerleaders. I guess she just thought that meant we were automatically a group. When this girl came to sit with us, Stella was in the bathroom. So we both just sort of sat there.
She was like, “So which article are we doing?”
I really wanted to say, “I don’t know what article you’re doing. But Stella and I are doing the one about the pet store.”
Instead I said, “The pet store one I guess.”
I don’t know it was just really awkward. I didn’t want to be rude, because I’m not a bitch. But I also didn’t want to pretend to be this girl’s friend. I was just very relieved when Stella came back. Stella is cool. I should tell you about her sometime.
I really do need to figure out how to make these flow better. I’ll work on that. Ohkay I’m going to try to work on my English paper now.
xoxo,
Melanie
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